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    April 16

    不是笑忘书

    移自校内,就当冗余备份吧

          早上六点醒来,第一件事就是看手机,我知道你不会理会我,因为你在想她。我不愿意起床,满心满脑子想的都是你。

          昨天去了Disneyland,好多好多人,和好多小朋友一起要玩儿疯了。朋友怀疑为什么我那么好的精力,我知道因为我在想你。公园里好多大大小小的恋 人,情侣,夫妻,手牵手,肩并肩。我很想你,虽然我知道我们从来没有这样出游过,连约会都没有过。但是每次出游,每次玩到疯都会想起你。

          七年前在伦敦的假期,每天最喜欢的时光,就是能在七点之前回到家,听着教堂的钟声,喂阳台上的鸽子,因为那是最放松最专注想你的时候。我知道那个时候我刚 刚说了“我们只是朋友”,但是事实上,我渴望你的拥抱。每天在街道上看见情侣的十指相扣,都在幻想我们会不会还有那一天。去Brighton的路上,大雨 倾盆,听着莫文蔚念叨“终于我没选择的分叉,最后又有谁到达”,在汽车后座的角落里,和车外一样倾盆大雨。七年后在纽约的假期,分别之前,终于靠近了你的 怀抱,终于牵到了你的手,虽然那都只是因为你的歉疚和安慰。

          这个算是情书吗?我写给你的情书。我也不知道。在我很努力努力地把对你的任何回忆尘封了四年之后,想起在四年多之前,我也曾经寄出我生平第一封情书,在你 明确说你不爱我之后。我记得你用的那个句子,“You were one of the most important persons of mine life.”,我记得那个词“were”。就是那个词,让我哭的一塌糊涂。那封信你终于没收到,我知道,现在大概还在我柜子里的某个角落。四年后你告诉我你 想知道那信到底写了什么,其实我也想知道,我那么努力地去忘,也不是没有效果。那厚厚的一沓纸,我只记得最后的话是“我爱你,再见”。我以为说再见就可以 再也不见,谁知却又再相见。

          夜里梦见今后几年我总是在追着你的轨迹,在飞机上花的时间比见你还多。不知因为什么梦见自己痛哭而醒,真的醒来确是嘴角溢笑。说实话,为你哭的次数实在是少之又少,一只手都数得过来,怎样的时候,想起你再为你伤心也会笑。

          爱恋真的很神奇,虽然只是单恋不是我们的爱情。

     

          这样一封“情书”,你不一定会看,但我愿意,就算是写给我自己。我不想再用那么久去忘了你。我是说,就算失败,我也会要记得你。


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